And I wake up again
I’ve lost the time to fix what time is left
For all my knowledge
All the tools I learned to cope leave me bereft

And so I carve the rut
And drag the knee I cannot seem to bend
I toil for a dream I can’t revive
A heart I cannot mend

And I keep treading water
Barely staying up to take a breath
Surviving isn’t living
So I court oblivion or death

I aim my prayers into the sky
Like fucking clouds can cure what ails
And scream for all the noise to die
All that I’ve lost and all I’ve failed

If only I was someone else
This simulation of myself
This glitching avatar could be
My holy ghost inside the shell

If only I was someone else
I wish that I was someone else
I cannot seem to be at peace
Inside the bondage of myself

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

There is no sympathy
No clarity, No way to course correct
I’m told it’s me and only me
By all the voices in my head

I ponder all the times
I scraped the bottom looking for an out
And all the ways this place just keeps me
In the cycle, up and down

I keep on building the same prison
And escaping just to see
I can’t tell if I’ve grown
Or if the fucking prison’s growing me

I’m wearied and I’m tattered
Too young to die, too old to matter
Pretending I will have some legacy
The lie my country sold me

The lie my country sold me
The lie my country sold me
The lie my country sold me

I know it’s all a fucking cosmic lottery
Yet it seems like it’s a burdensome responsibility
If I let go then it’s a possibility
I lose myself or maybe all the lies I’ve come to know as me

//////////////////////////

I hope this finds you well
I hope that I can find you in myself
I hope that I can be like you
That I can just escape myself

If only I was someone else
I wish that I was someone else
I cannot seem to be at peace
Inside the bondage of myself

It’s not that I'm not flawed
It’s just that I deserve a god
That looks at me and sees a child of light
Inside this hideous facade

And I can conjure such a creature
If I have a steady hand
I know that if I wake up shaking
I’ll have forfeited the plan

I hope there’s respite from the weariness and pain
And even though I’ve tried to close the door and seal it shut
I hope the door remains

In time I hope I get there to the place where I can finally rest
And where my voice might matter more
And I’m not some unwelcome guest

And maybe all the holes are patched
And all the cuts are stitched
And all the things I never was and never did
Can somehow not be missed

The loathing all consuming pace at which I’ve misconducted life
Has left me too far gone
And it’s too hard to keep on

I feel so broken now
I feel so broken now
I feel so broken now
I feel so broken now

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

But there’s so much more to it
At this age I should know

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